Visit to the Doctor

Today was my first follow up appointment with my oncologist since I left the hospital. All went very well. She said I looked great and that she couldn't have asked for better improvement. I was given permission to drive (when I'm not on any narcotics), lift weights (no more than 10 pounds), and get back on my bike when I felt like it. All this was great news.

I am halfway through with my chemotherapy sessions and after tomorrow, will be halfway through with my radiation treatments. No head hair loss yet, but that may still occur. I hope not, but won't be surprised if it happens. Diarrhea is still an issue but I'm drinking Gatorade to help replenish what I lose.

This photo is of baby Charlie who is visiting us for the week. Charlie's mom, Megan, is a student at Oklahoma State University, hoping to eventually go to medical school at OU.

What a differrence a day makes!

It's Monday afternoon and I am finishing up my last IV bag...a bag of fluid to wash the toxins out of my body. Go figure...didn't they just put those toxins in??? After that I'm headed over to the radiation oncology office for my 4 minutes of radiation treatment. Takes longer to get there than it does for the radiation!

The Vancomycin is working and I am feeling significantly better today than yesterday. It's amazing what a difference drugs and time can make in how one is feeling. At 2:00 yesterday I was having an emotional meltdown in the middle of the bathroom floor and by 6:00 yesterday I was eating a good sized dinner and feeling much improved. At 2:00 a.m. I was in the kitchen eating another meal! Which brings me to my next thought...

This morning, as I was preparing to shower, I turned sideways and looked at my body, naked in the mirror. Horrified by what I saw I quickly jumped in the shower. It was an interesting time for reflection. What I saw this morning in the mirror was NOT me, could NOT be me. My immediate thought was that I looked like a prisoner in a concentration camp...maybe about a month in with little or no food. I did not recognize the woman in the mirror. Then, as the warm water flowed over my body I was reminded of when I was in my late 20's and for a period of time the struggle with eating took over my life. In a sense I developed adult-like anorexia, where controlling my weight became an obsession and was the only thing I felt I had any control over. I weighed daily and nothing anyone said made any difference in how I viewed by body...I thought I was still fat, but here's the thing. The frame of my body hasn't changed since I was 30 but at the time I weighed 20 pounds less than I do today! I weighed 101 pounds and was working to see the scales get down to 99...thinking that somehow 99 was the magic number. The number at which I wouldn't feel fat anymore. Magical thinking. Thank goodness I never reached 99 pounds. Shortly after reaching a size zero I began to use cognitive restructuring to alter my faulty and irrational thinking. So the most important part is that I got over the weight issue and moved on to better health, a better lifestyle. It was hard to see myself in the mirror this morning but I'm glad I did. In the end, it was very therapeutic. It was good for me to remember where I've been and to realize how far I've come. Life is good and life is short so for all the women out there...don't waste your time worrying about those last 10 or so pounds. STOP the madness. It's not worth it. I guarantee it.

This is a photo taken last week in my office when I stopped by for a visit with my staff. Rob and Rita (pictured here), as well as the entire OEDS and Dean's Office staff have been the most amazing, most incredible people I have ever met. Thank you!

Sheila

Round 3

Happy Sunday! Feeling better the last 24 hours but still not feeling too zippy. Better is good however. My white blood cell count was 3.8 on Thursday, down from 10.6 a week ago. The weather outside looks wonderful. I wish I could be out there enjoying it. A group of friends took a bike ride this morning followed by a brunch which sounded like a lot of fun. I was sorry to miss it. Megan A. and baby Charlie are visiting for the week. Megan is a student at OSU and on Spring Break. Charlie is a six month old bundle of joy with a great disposition. Friday night we went over to a friend's house to celebrate a 60th birthday and it was nice to get out of the house. I was able to stay a couple of hours and enjoy the company of friends. Last night had a quiet dinner with friends but called it a night pretty early. I suspect this next week may be more difficult than the first two with the chemotherapy. But I am prepared with my arsenal of anti-nausea medications. I'll keep you posted.

Ensure

Staring at my mid-morning bottle of Ensure I reflected on the fact that four short weeks ago I was wondering how to get 10 pounds lighter...now I'm constantly thinking about how to gain weight! Nothing like a radical hysterectomy and cervical cancer to drop the weight...not really what I had in mind a few weeks back...oh, well. I feel as if I've aged 20 years. All my muscle tone has vanished and I don't think I could ride my bike around the block. I can, however, walk around the block and should probably be doing more of that. I've had problems with my bowels but found out today that is due to an infection I have (too many antibiotics in the hospital) rather than the radiation. I'm now on Vancomycin. The doctor has promised I will feel better soon, which is great news. The toilet and I have become best buds but it is getting a little old. I'm hoping that I will have a little more energy when this bowel problem improves.

In this photo, Brad and I and another rider have parked our bikes outside a convenience store. This was taken on Prince Edward Island during a week long organized bicycle ride. It was a little on the warm side, dusty, and windy. We eventually piled our bikes into the sag wagon and took the van back to the resort!

Personal Motto

Today has been a day for just mild philosophical thought...nothing too deep or abstract. For some time my personal motto has been "Life's too short for Diet Coke." I've tried to drink Diet Coke, really I have, but to no avail. I much prefer the real thing. Life with diarrhea is really unpleasant. I've been given instructions to drink plenty of Gatorade to replenish; otherwise we're good! Deeper thoughts next time.

This photo was taken on the Colorado River...fly fishing another one of my favorite past times. Unfortunately, I didn't catch one fish that day!

Round 2 Begins

This Monday took less time for the chemo treatment...not sure why, but the treatment regimen seemed a little different today. It was still about 6 hours but it passed pretty quickly. I was able to cat nap some and that helped the time pass quickly. My assistant, Rita (who by the way is one of the most marvelous people ever), brought lunch and we spent some time catching up on work related activities. I haven't thought a lot about work (that tunnel vision thing) but I also know that I have an incredibly dedicated staff that does great work, which relieves my mind and allows me to focus on getting well. My stomach is a little upset this evening, but not too bad. Still have some mild diarrhea but I found out today that I can take Imodium so Brad and I will be on the way to the pharmacy soon.

This photo was taken a couple of years ago after a beautiful bicycle ride from Edwards Colorado to Glenwood Springs, Colorado. It's about a 50 mile ride mostly downhill. We've done this ride several times now and it is always a great ride. On this particular trip, my buddy Jerry Vannatta and I raced like maniacs through the Glenwood Springs Canyon at about 20 miles an hour. It was exhilarating but we saw very little of the canyon. Following the ride we dived into hamburgers and lots of beer. Of course this means a couple of people in the group didn't get to ride and had to meet us in Glenwood Springs with a couple of cars. It's a little tough for me to get back on a bike and ride 50 miles (mostly uphill this time) after I've had a few beers and my tummy is full! Great friends, great time! Can't wait to go again.

Sunday Evening

It's Sunday evening...one chemotherapy session down, 5 more to go. All in all, it was a good week. A couple of rough days, but manageable. Most of today was spent on the sofa or on the toilet. Nothing like a bout of diarrhea to keep you close to home and the bathroom! Brad and I are learning to live a slowed down pace. This doesn't interest me permanently of course (!) but for now it is what is required. Actually, it's been good for both of us. We haven't wondered where we are going and what we are doing next. We have tunnel vision...just getting through the next few weeks...that's our focus for now.

This photo was taken south of Cancun a couple of summers ago as the sun was rising. Brad and I have enjoyed many wonderful vacations in the sun and we are looking forward to planning another one soon! I love the ocean, especially when I can plop my butt in the sand and let the warm waters lap around my waist. A margarita in hand makes it even better!

Thank you again for all the emails, calls, cards, and visits this past week. I appreciate each and every one.

Sheila